"FRIDAY NIGHT, NO WEED" [2012]


Friday night, no weed

So I’m drinkin’ again

I grabbed Mike’s Hard to be goofy

But now Mike and I are friends

There’s a message printed in black

On the yellow back side of the can

It says you can’t be a drunk boy, criminal

Only a drunk man

But it bothers me and screams

Of the police state in which we live

And I’m terrified of the fact

That on every corner is another asshole pig

And no, I don’t use the term “pig”

To describe every law enforcer

Just the power-tripping bastards

Who get high from using brute force or

Lying to a black guy

Or an Hispanic man uptown

“Hey, pull out your pot, man

I swear I won’t take you to the pound”

And you listen ‘cause you trust

Yeah, that’s the model they want

So nobody question

Or you’ll end up as game in Ray Kelly’s hunt

But white-skinned guys like me

We get harassed far less

Unless we’re drumming in a park

And calling out this disgusting, fucked-up mess

Of all-street crimes

Big bankers’ greedy neo-Ponzi schemes 

But “Who the hell cares, man?

Just feed us new cat memes

Too long to read

Too preachy to matter to me

I don’t mind Mike Bloomberg 

And I don’t care to see

Anything that’s not cute

Anything semi-important on my feed

Just shut up and stop whining 

About who is and who is not free”

 

It’s 3 am and my friends are at a party

To which I wasn’t invited

‘Cause the birthday girl doesn’t like me

‘Cause I’m a jerk and rarely hide it

And that makes me feel terrible

Knowing I’m not as nice as I’d like to think

Where is my ex-girlfriend

To remind me of that terrible thing?

That I’m arrogant and mean

And selfish and so it seems

That I’ll never live up to my father

The kindest man in all of Tennessee

All I think about is me

Dakota, here, take my ring please

I don’t deserve fame but holy honey

God knows I’d like to be

The object of your lust

A self-destructive, young coke fiend

And if you give me your money

I can pay off my dreams

Well, at least maybe half of them, I think

This year I made the sweetest friend

I’m sure I’ll ever meet

He does social work, like my sister

I swear he’d do that work for free

And I go to him when I need

His caring company

A Pez dispenser of wisdom

And endless generosity

‘Cause I can’t go to my friends

Who stayed back down South

Who resent me for non-conservative thought

And, thus, like to run their mouths

‘Cause I came up here and was challenged

To figure some things out

Like homosexuals are people, too

No matter your ignorant doubt 

 

And now a girl is texting me

‘Cause she wants to meet at a bar

And I can’t think of a good excuse

So I say that it’s just too far

But the truth is I’ve been working 

On my writing too hard

To get sidetracked with spending

All my money in a bar

I fell out of love

Almost an entire year ago

And today I’m not in love

Because thankfully I don’t know

About your Facebook relationships

And what you’ve been up to

On 7th Street with a guy

Who can do all I can’t do

Like give you a bigger shoulder

To lay your head upon

When you’re tired, and he can sing to you

Some Grizzly Bear songs

I’m a boy with my issues, though

And I thought we’d die together

Bleeding in the shower

Two birds of a feather

But no, I don’t really miss her

Or think too much about her

Or whom she’s waking with

‘Cause I’m too distracted by powder

And I keep snorting my nose

Just to suck up all the fun

So I’ll feel like a rockstar

When the night is said and done

But no one knows my name

And I want to die alone

Now my buddy Achal’s calling me

On my Blackberry phone

And I’m telling him I’m resting

And I can’t go to St. Mark’s

“I just want to pass out, man

Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow"